This week has been hectic and crazy. I have been running around between work, babysitting, classes, homework, and doctor appointments. I had an MRI for my knee, which I injured again. I'm going in to see an orthopedist in a few minutes and I'm predicting the following diagnosis: ACL rupture with meniscus tear. Options: surgery or no sports. I want surgery because I love playing sports, but it is doubtful that my insurance will cover it. Problems that can't be fixed with surgery: knee arthritis which is sure to come as a result of the tears.

So in thinking about my knee I have been pissed off. Not the "why me" part of it - because with the wear and tear I have subjected my body to due to rugby and ultimate, it was bound to happen... but the "why can't I just fix it" part of it. I hate dealing with insurance, being worried about them not covering an expense and just in general not knowing how that system works.

I guess what pisses me off the most is that my body won't obey my will. But I have also been trying to see the bright side. I'm really not in a lot of pain and I do have a significant amount of mobility. Also, my friends have been great and I have spent a lot of time laughing. Yesterday, I cooked up some Indian food for dinner and had three friends over. We sat around the dinner table til late and watched the Duke game. I have been doing my best to escape reality and have managed to suceed at it every day somehow. The next step is just embracing reality, right?

I have class tonight - and I'm turning in my first paper in graduate school. I'm nervous - I hope it will be up to par, that I fulfilled my expectations.

And also, this week I realized something. Amidst all the craziness, hurt, and frustration -- at the end of the day, you are what you have to show to yourself. No big hoopla... no universal truth... it was just something that I don't think I spent a lot of time remembering recently. So it came back to my radar screen. That's all.