Once again I am astounded by the profoundness that is to be found in common sayings. I was thinking about the saying, "You can't teach an old dog new tricks," and it hit me: it is so true. Now, I don't consider myself old by any means, nor to be of the canine persuasion, but I have noticed a pattern of resistance to change within myself as time has passed. Perhaps I spent so much of my youth trying to be comfortable in my own skin that the thought of shedding it is just too much to handle. Either way, I have noticed that as I have grown older, I have developed a certain persona that has become harder and harder to alter.
Those of you who know me well, or even those of you who know me very little, know that I am usually a very loud, talkative, and opinionated person. Now, what if I decided that I didn't want to be loud and opinionated anymore? What if I wanted to become quieter and more introspective, and not quite as ready to jump down someone's throat for not ascribing to my same beliefs? The answer seems easy: "Just do it." As if it were an addiction to nicotine that could be curbed by will-power. But it's much harder than quitting smoking because the people around you are as resistent to change as you are. They are so afraid of changing themselves, in fact, that they don't want you to change.
Yesterday, for example, I decided that I was going to be quiet. Not upset or mad or morose -- just quiet. I wanted to listen, observe, and stand back from center stage for awhile. What reaction did I get? I don't think I can count the numbers of times that people asked me if I was okay. "What's wrong?" "Why are you upset?" "You know you can talk to me." There was nothing wrong! No matter how many times I reiterated that fact, the questions kept coming. Finally, the constant badgering blew my fuse and I got pissed off -- and reverted to my usual self.
I was trying hard not to act like I usually did, because people complain to me that I am "offensive" and "too opinionated" and that I should not feel the need to express my opinion all the time -- but when I did that people didn't believe that I could act that way! And they wanted me to go back to being how I usually am, even though they complain about it. Bizarre.
So it's not only that you can't teach old dogs new tricks -- it's that you can't teach the old dog's old friends to be happy for her if she does learn new tricks.
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A couple comments:
1) You have indeed learned a new trick, because I guarantee that 4 years ago, you wouldn't have given a shit what people said about your opinions, at least outwardly. You wouldn't have considered attempting to be something different.
2) People thought something was "wrong" with you because they like to put people in boxes. Everyone who asked you that had you in a box. And that day you didn't fit into the box they made, which made them uncomfortable. You're right about one thing, which is that people can't handle change in other people very well. Emerson mentioned this in "Self Reliance," I think.
3) Even if you changed, I would still know who you were. And that to me is the definition of real friendship.
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