You know, when you start a journal, you think you’re doing it for yourself. You make it public so that you can get some feedback, so that you can share your thoughts with the greater world. But soon the journal, or blog, becomes something you write for others. It becomes a form of competition – how many people can I get to visit my site? How many people think that my ideas are worth their time? One fellow blogger calls his site meter a “vanity counter” and that’s exactly what it is. I’ve been perfectly content not updating, replacing a keyboard and screen for the old fashioned pen and paper of my troubled teens. But then there is the pressure. From people you know and from people you don’t, to continue to update, to ensure returns, to write something, anything, as long as it represents you at the time.
So this is what represents me right now: a pen and a loosely bound journal, which I write in nearly everyday in handwriting that has become so bad I can hardly read it myself. It makes my hand cramped, strains my eyes, and takes a crap load more time. And yet, it’s better, I find, than blogging. Because whereas there are marked advantages to online journals, the loss of privacy is a big set-back. I want people to know some things about me, but there are by far many more things that I want to keep private. Maybe that’s what Africa does to me. I guess I took my online journal as a replacement for my physical one. And I can seem to only do one at a time because I am too easily bored by repetition. Right now, my little book is more satisfying. And so I’m going to stick with that for awhile and apologize (how inane is this?!) for temporarily stopping the flow of my globally accessible thoughts and experiences. I’ll still update – just more sporadically. Til then, take care.
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5 comments:
I know what you mean ... but since I rather typing than writing i have an online journal that no one really knows about and IF they know it they can't see anything written on it since it's all private .... i think it helps sometimes to keep your thoughts to yourself ... my life may be an open book, but sometimes i like to put a few notes here and there that people don't normally look at..
sounds like you're having a GREAT time :-) you should post pics of ethiopia and your family that would be fab!
You're amazing Jess. Hope the trip has been a good one for you, and that everything is looking up. Just don't leave us all hanging, waiting for new of your adventures eh. Just a note I felt the need to drop so we know the other is still alive.
Love.
-turtle
What's funny is that another of my friends, Andrew Collins, has opted to cut back on the blogging considerably as well.
Enjoy what you're doing and where you're doing it. The blog can wait.
Interesting because I was just thinking about this particular subject. I discovered that some of my family members read my online blog and I felt considerably violated. My next thought was that I don't care if they read it because I need to stop apoligizing for who/what I am. Still I definitely understand what you are saying particularly when I want to write about an encounter with a particular person that might happen to read it. I don't know--I'm still undecided.
I look at livejournals, and xanga to see how and what my friends are doing? When I see you write something, I am interested in knowing what you are thinking and whatand where life is taking you. So keep on writing....away
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