Monday, June 25, 2007
One Love
On Saturday, my friends and I went to Reggaefest, a yearly outdoor concert series that takes place at a beautiful park on James Island. Every year I look forward to it, and this year was no exception. It was a hot sticky night, but nobody minded. As soon as we got there we were enveloped by great music, all sorts of people, and the most serene and welcoming vibe I had been a part of in a long time. Charleston is generally a divided city -- rich and poor, black and white, young and old -- they seldom come together for the same reasons. Yet here we all were -- all shapes, colors and sizes, jamming to the same beat, sweating in the night, high on life (some probably on more than life) -- overwhelmingly accepting one another as we were. It was just a beautiful, beautiful night.
Friday, June 22, 2007
Medusa Rising
Sometimes you are forced to deal with the darkest side of yourself.
Last night, I got into an argument with my roommate about God and the meaning of existence. He's a Christian; I consider myself agnostic. He was rude, ignorant, and insulting. Accused me of blaspheming and called me soul-less. I got flustered because I was just trying to explain, without judging, how one could believe in something else or nothing at all and still be a decent human being. And instead of taking his insults in, letting myself breathe and stopping to think, I blew up. I was rude, insulting, and ignorant in return. I felt justified at the time because I was hurt. I slammed the door, and the anger seethed inside me for many sleepless hours.
Today, I'm ashamed of how I reacted, and I'm upset at the inability I displayed at controlling my own emotions. Not only that, but the entire episode was ineffectual. He apologized in a lengthy letter for being "unchristian" (note the irony), but I know I didn't make him respect my or anybody else's views any more than before the conversation. And what could I have learned from him? Still, I am perturbed by the rapid and complete transformation that took place in the shortest amount of time. When the nastiest part of my character reared its ugly head, it overpowered my consciousness and acted on its own. I could regret it later, but what's said is said and done is done. Just makes me think about how I would react in different settings --place me in Sierra Leone or Sudan now, Nazi Germany or Stalinist Russia 80 years ago. It's quite the scary thought. Would the part of my character that believes in love and acceptance prevail? Or would I become the righteous monster of last night?
Last night, I got into an argument with my roommate about God and the meaning of existence. He's a Christian; I consider myself agnostic. He was rude, ignorant, and insulting. Accused me of blaspheming and called me soul-less. I got flustered because I was just trying to explain, without judging, how one could believe in something else or nothing at all and still be a decent human being. And instead of taking his insults in, letting myself breathe and stopping to think, I blew up. I was rude, insulting, and ignorant in return. I felt justified at the time because I was hurt. I slammed the door, and the anger seethed inside me for many sleepless hours.
Today, I'm ashamed of how I reacted, and I'm upset at the inability I displayed at controlling my own emotions. Not only that, but the entire episode was ineffectual. He apologized in a lengthy letter for being "unchristian" (note the irony), but I know I didn't make him respect my or anybody else's views any more than before the conversation. And what could I have learned from him? Still, I am perturbed by the rapid and complete transformation that took place in the shortest amount of time. When the nastiest part of my character reared its ugly head, it overpowered my consciousness and acted on its own. I could regret it later, but what's said is said and done is done. Just makes me think about how I would react in different settings --place me in Sierra Leone or Sudan now, Nazi Germany or Stalinist Russia 80 years ago. It's quite the scary thought. Would the part of my character that believes in love and acceptance prevail? Or would I become the righteous monster of last night?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
